What I have to say today is not going to be witty. It may not be popular. It may even make some people I know and care about a little mad. But because of what I see every day where I work, I feel very strongly about it–strong enough that I’m willing to cause some waves–for safety’s sake.
Social media is not for children, folks. If your kiddo is under the recommended age (Facebook and Twitter both say 13, FYI), do NOT even consider letting them open an account until they reach that age! And when they reach the age and you feel that you have to let go because you don’t want them to be a social outcast, be prepared to get involved, set some firm limits, and actively enforce those limits with love.
As I write this, I’m seeing a growing number of parents in my own social media networks growing more and more relaxed (and confused) on the topic. Others still are brave enough to poll friends when they have a question (and I commend them for listening to that little voice in the back of their mind that says, EEK!).
Example: an eleven year old daughter’s friend is on FB and she wants to an account–should you let her join so they can chat at night?
No.
That’s it. Flat out, no. There are numerous reasons I could site, but I’ll just list what comes to mind:
1) This particular site asks for your birthday, and you have to lie about your age just to sign up. I can already hear the groans. Are you thinking, REALLY? WHATEVER. But here’s food for thought: telling your kiddo it’s okay to lie about their age at eleven to gain access to a social site may make them think it’s okay to lie to gain access to other things that are age-restricted. I know the slippery slope theory is one that pisses people off. But are you okay with your kiddo having cigarettes? Presenting a fake ID to sneak into a bar in high school? How do you feel about them visiting a porn site tomorrow? Even if lying to the computer isn’t the same to you as lying to a person, but the smaller the kid, the more consistent you need to be with the message you’re sending. I mean, yes, sure, kids are going to experiment. We know that. But do we need to tell them it’s okay to LIE if you’re only lying to a computer? It is okay to make mistakes, but lying isn’t really a mistake. We spend years in preschool teaching them not to do that! We cheer when they finally get it! YES! He told me the truth! Now I get to talk to him about values and not about lying! That guilty feeling kids get when they’ve done wrong is not destroying their self-esteem. It’s their moral compass. That’s what we’re trying to develop. Listening to your moral compass is imperative for a healthy happy future. Isn’t it our job as parents to give them the stern face, even when deep down we remember and understand what it’s like to want something we can’t have? Just say NO. “Not yet. You can have one when you are old enough and you have shown me you have the skills to handle it.“
2) The safety features are too complex, hidden in a corner tab, and change too quickly for many adults to handle. Hell, I can’t even keep up. Can you imagine being eleven and trying to manage it? It’s true that you can take yourself out of the directory, protect your content from non-friends, and all that. But if you as an adult don’t keep right on it every day, your tween definitely won’t either.
3) Psst. There is a lot of inappropriate content on FB and Twitter (and every other social media site that is not geared directly to children). Have you noticed? I’m kind of numb to it these days, but every now and again, I get really aware. I think, I just deleted 8 Viagra ads, and I’m a woman! Don’t you get spammed with invitations to look at explicit pictures? Are you prepared for your kiddo to read those SAME invitations? What if she’s curious and clicks on one when you’re not looking at the screen with her? Kids will take risks and explore. They’re curious. How will you explain what she just saw?
4) There are bad guys on social networks who are looking for kids. I know. They aren’t supposed to do that, and yes, many social networks do pull their accounts if they catch them doing bad stuff. But what happens from the time they open the account until they get caught? (I’ll give you a hint: ALOT.) How many kids did they friend or follow or invite to chat until someone reported them? You know that REPORT ABUSE button you see everywhere? Yes, PLEASE USE IT. But know that by the time you hit that button and it gets forwarded to my office, it’s too late. Better late than never, but your child has already seen what she’s seen, read what she’s read. She’s already been targeted by the bad guy. You can’t rewind and take that experience from her. How early is too early for your child to be approached by a predator online?
Good lord, guys, there is SO much more I could say on the topic, but that may be enough for one post. One last bit of advice about kids and social media before wrapping this up. There are some sites for kids, and for the most part, sites that are designed for kids have a “safer” mentality. However, that doesn’t mean you should let your child have free reign. If your kids is playing something like Webkinz or Club Penguin, and you have decided that is okay, make sure you know how it works. Make sure you have their usernames and passwords, so that if you need to log in for any reason, you can. This is not invading their privacy–kids get in the most trouble online when they have too much privacy and too much free access to computers. It is not damaging to them to know you care and don’t want them to get hurt. Get the passwords. Explain to them the rules. Explain what happens if they break them. Explain that your mom and dad didn’t have to parent you about the computer, so you are learning as you go, and the rules might change as you figure them out, but you will let them know! The kid-marketed sites can give you a powerful opportunity to be involved while your child is playing online. Consider it training for later if you decide to let them. (If not, you can train them later.) If your kiddo is online, you should definitely be involved. You don’t have to micro-manage. Just check it out. Ask questions. Listen. Get your child used to you being nearby and caring about their online life, and you will both be more prepared for when Facebook and Twitter or WHATEVER becomes part of their life.
